What's in a Name?
by CherryWolf-chan
Summary: "Allow me to introduce Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy and Septimus Severus Malfoy." "I was being sarcastic you idiots, I thought my tone of voice made that clear! How was I to know you were this stupid! For the love of Merlin…you two are unbelievable!" "On the bright side, we get to see my father's eyes completely bug out of his head!" Rated T for Hermione's Malfoyesque habits.


**AN: This came to mind as I was talking to Wolf Blossom the other day. Enjoy!**

**Pages:** **5  
Words:** **1874**

**Disclaimer:**

All I own are the sexy pictures of Tom Felton that I download obsessively…actually…I don't even own those…okay I own the exceedingly unholy thoughts of him that I can't help but think. There.

**~3 Months Ago~~The Burrow~**

A stranger sight had never been seen as Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, and Ronald Weasley all sat around the kitchen table at the Burrow, sipping Firewhiskey and talking.

Ron shook his head. "I still can't believe we all got our wives pregnant at the _exact_ same time! And all with boys at that!"

Harry smirked- a trait he had picked up from his best friend's husband. "Knowing those three crazy bints they flooed each other to synchronize their watches and confirm their ovulation dates just to torture us."

Draco laughed. "My father still can't get over the fact that not only is he going to be a grandfather, but he's getting two grandchildren…and all at once! He was resigned to the possibility of one or none the way our family was headed."

Harry snickered. "And to think-this is all because you married a Muggleborn."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, father said something about how if he'd known Muggleborns could bear more than one Malfoy in a lifetime, he would have married one. His bits were promptly hexed."

Harry nodded as he took another swig. "I'll bet".

Draco shook his head as he returned to the previous topic. "I really doubt they synced up _just_ so they could torture us like this Potter. I mean no offense but...the only woman out of all three of our wives smart enough to come up with something as asinine as THAT is Granger. And I don't think she'd be able to wrangle Weaselette and Brown into something so ridiculous."

Ron chuckled at Draco. "Mate, the girl managed to keep Harry and I…but mostly Harry, alive for the seven years we spent at Hogwarts while Voldemort was constantly trying to kill him. If she can keep Harry and his ruddy his Gryffindor complex alive…she can do anything."

Harry started to nod and then stopped. "Oye…what do you mean 'Gryffindor complex'?"

Ron shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry mate. You know I don't want to toot Malfoy's horn but…you really did have a death wish back in the day…several in fact."

Draco smirked at Harry. "I have to say Potter, you are one lucky bastard to have had Granger there to save your arse all those years. But guess who's an even luckier bastard? Me, because I get to keep her and her strange and wonderful tricks! My favourite is this thing with her leg that-"

Ron cut in. "Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about; that _was_ hot!"

Draco paused. "Wait…she said you two never…_**GRANGER**_!"

Ron rolled his eyes at the frantic blond. "We didn't; we got as far as taking our clothes off and then got a case of the giggles for the next hour or so. That flouted any future attempts on either of our parts."

Draco relaxed slightly, and smirked. "I can imagine what she was giggling at Weasel."

Ron looked triumphant. "Actually Malfoy, her reaction to _that_ was a prompt widening of the eyes and a dropped jaw."

Draco raised a brow. "When she saw mine…she fainted. I win."

Hermione, who had apparently been listening at the door since Draco's impromptu summons smirked. "Besides Ronald…I was wide-eyed and slack jawed as I tried to figure out what it was I was looking at!"

Draco very nearly fell out of his chair as he howled in laughter. Calming down, he wiped a tear from his eye. "That _almost_ makes up for the fact that you saw my woman naked. _Almost_."

Harry facepalmed. "Get over yourself Malfoy. It's nothing Ron and I hadn't seen before."

Draco nearly swallowed his tongue. "Wait…_both_ of you have…_**Granger**_!"

Hermione smacked him over the head. "I am right here Draco. And what did you honestly expect?! The three of us lived together in a _tent_ for an entire year while _on the run_. There's not exactly much privacy to be had…and it's not like I didn't get an eyeful of both of _them_ on more than one occasion!"

Draco looked positively ill. "Granger that is putrid! And as for you two I demand retribution! Get your wives in here; you got to see mine naked, so it's only fair I get to see yours. Weaselette! Brown! Get your pregnant arse' in here now!"

Ginny and Lavender, who had been listening at the door crossed the threshold with sadistic grins on their faces. Ignoring Harry and Ron's shouts of protest, they spoke. "We have no problem with your need for retribution Malfoy. But you know…it's only fair we demand the same from Hermione…she saw our husbands naked…so…?"

Draco shrugged as he began to unbutton his black silk dress shirt, the two pregnant women practically salivating.

Ron threw a bun at Draco's swift hands as Harry turned to Hermione. "Don't you have a problem with this?! Your husband is putting on a strip show for your best friends' wives!"

Hermione gave him a cheeky grin. "Unfortunately I've picked up a nasty Malfoyesque trait; the need to flaunt my property in less fortunate individuals' faces."

Draco let out a hearty chuckle as he finally started to button his shirt back up.

Lavender, who looked more than a bit disappointed gave Ron a sheepish look as she spoke to Hermione. "We lesser mortals don't mind the charity…really."

Ginny, for once the voice of reason, herded herself, and the other two pregnant women back into the sitting room.

Draco shook his head and turned back to his scowling companions. "Oh stop getting your knickers in a twist, it's not like I actually stripped!"

Ron glared. "I'd say you owe us for that embarrassment!"

Draco shrugged. "Well you owe me for seeing Granger naked before I got to. We're even!"

Harry, who had gotten more than a little twisted after being in the company of Malfoy for so long, was struck with an idea. "How about this. As penance for all three of us…Ron and I will name our children after you Malfoy…and you name your twins after us!"

Draco and Ron looked at him in disbelief. "Potter you've lost your mind! And what would possess you to name a child after me?! You _laughed_ at my name when you met me!"

Ron nodded in agreement.

Harry shrugged. "Come on Ron. It's not like Malfoy's name is all that bad. There are worse things to be named after than a reformed ex-Death Eater. It's more punishment for him than us…I think having children named Harry and Ron would actually, legitimately kill Malfoy within the year."

Ron nodded slowly. "Not a bad point. Well Malfoy? What do you say?"

Poor, unsuspecting Harry and Ron in their Gryffindor naivety had yet to learn the finer arts of a Slytherin's subtle sarcasm.

"Of course I'll name them after you Potter. Nothing would delight me-or my father- more than to have a Harry and Ronald Malfoy on the family tapestry."

"Great!"

**~Three Months Later~~St. Mungo's Birthing Ward~**

Never were there three prouder fathers than Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley as they all stepped out into the hallway from their respective wives' rooms, babies in hand.

Harry and Ron carried one each, while Draco had his arms full with two.

Harry and Ron grinned at the blond and gestured to their children. "It's time to face the music Malfoy. Allow us to introduce you to your namesakes. Meet Draconis James Potter, and Lucius Arthur Weasley."

The look on Draco's face was so priceless, if they hadn't been holding such precious cargo Harry and Ron would have ran for cameras. But his face wasn't as priceless as theirs were when they heard his reply.

"Oh Merlin. You two thought I was actually _serious_?!"

Ron looked confused. "What do you mean Malfoy?"

Draco shook his head. "I was being _sarcastic_ you buffoons…of course I wasn't going to name my sons after you!"

Harry paled. "What…what do you mean…?"

Finally calming down enough to enjoy the debacle Ron and Harry had placed themselves in, Draco gestured to the babes in his arms. "Allow me to introduce Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy and Septimus Severus Malfoy."

Ron was now as pale as Draco himself. "But…but you said you were going to…"

Draco shook his head. "I was being sarcastic you idiot, I thought my tone of voice made that clear! How was I to know you were this stupid?! Now go think of some other names. For the love of Merlin…you two are unbelievable!"

Harry started to breathe again as Ron paled further. "We can't."

Draco and Harry turned to him. "Can't what?"

Ron twitched. "We can't change them…the mediwizard already signed the birth certificates."

Harry shrugged carelessly. "Well we'll just explain the situation to him and he can change the names!"

Now Draco shook his head in disbelief. "This isn't the Muggle world Potter. Once a mediwizard has officiated a birth certificate it is a legal binding document."

Harry started to whiten again. "But…I'm the Boy Who Lived…surely they'll-"

Ron slumped into a chair, staring at his infant son. "It doesn't matter. Birth certificates are solid. No one can change them once they're signed. The only person who can perform a name change after the certificate has been officiated, is the child himself once he reaches legal age; seventeen."

Now Harry slumped into the chair across from Ron.

Then suddenly he turned to Draco. "Malfoy…this is all your fault! You _have_ to name yours after us now before the birth certificate is signed."

Draco couldn't stop the smirk. "Even if I wanted to Potter…I can't. It was signed before I came out to see you lot."

He then looked down at the babies. "At least you didn't name them both Draco…good for you two thinking to use my middle name as well. At least you put _some_ thought into _something_, _somewhere_. The boys will at least grow up with strong names. Knowing you two they'd have been named something ridiculous like Hugo or Albus or some such nonsense."

Seeing the two downtrodden faces, Draco couldn't help but feel a smidgen of pity for them, as he tried to cheer them up. "Look on the bright side!"

Ron glared at him. "What _possible_ bright side is there to the fact that we've just ruined our children's' lives?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Hey, it wasn't ruining their lives when you thought I was naming mine after you, so you can't cry about it now that the tables have turned."

Harry sighed. "So what's the bright side then? Other than the fact that you now owe us times a million for the next seventeen years of our lives."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Do stop being do dramatic Potter; this is entirely your fault. And your wives will agree with me and you know it. Anyway, the one bright side is that we get to watch my father's eyes bug out of his head, as Lucius Malfoy I rolls over in his grave when father finds out that his name, is now attached to the surname Weasley."

Before either Ron or Harry could think up a retort, the four slumbering babies were awakened by a new grandfather of two bearing troves of gifts in his arms, which were one by one crashing to the floor.

"_**WHAT?!**_"

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this! I think this is the first thing I've ever finished in under two days. Yay me! It's probably because of how short it is… And stupid Wolf Blossom thought I'd end up with another 50 page Godfather's nightmare. In your face wench! As always, read and review! Cherry out!**


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